@ 06/05/2008 – 23:18:03
Far too much squinting at computers and books, especially indices.. don't think I'm at all prepared for tomorrow, and will just have to wing it.
Makes a change from the last two days of watery eyes, which seem to have dried up, at least.
Thank you for all the support the last couple of days. I'm still pretty stunned and very bothered by it all. But, I've begun functioning again, even if what I really want to do is pack my bags and vanish into the wide blue yonder.
@ 06/05/2008 – 10:50:45
Being in trouble for doing the job you’ve been asked to do too well. Because it’s probably making someone else look and feel bad. It’s worse when you know you’ve spent ages doing your best to try to avoid that.
Feeling like the child who had to hide how well she could read, how easy some things were and who had to pretend she hadn’t learnt how to play an instrument without any lessons – which her mother had, and the child was better.
Feeling that, yet again, everyone else would be so much better off if she just vanished.
Feeling sick inside that it’s all her own fault and she’s just going to have to carry on pretending everything’s OK when it isn’t.
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