My Everchanging Plot of Life

I really should not be here!

I am totally sleep deprived, I ache from sitting and kneeling on the floor too much, as well as standing too much, I have no voice left from yelling instructions for games. Or from singing a lot.

But, it's a really good kind of tired and I'm so enjoying spending most of the day in an environment where I'm just myself... with people who I like being with.

Good night.

Time for blogging in the next ten days or so, that is. I doubt I'll be anywhere near a computer.

See you soon...

So far this week, I have

• done something to my ankle (it's improving nicely, thank you)
• broken my rucksack zip (but I think it's salvageable until after the trip away)
• tipped a whole cup of tepid coffee all over me, the part of the desk where the computer keyboard sits (it missed the keyboard by some miracle) and the surrounding carpet. This necessitated an extra load of laundry. Causing the rest of my household a little distress as she believes there is a magic formula to how many loads it is reasonable for one person to do in a week, and apparently, I've exceeded my unknown limit.
• torn a pocket in an official outfit, which will need repairing.

I have also discovered that when I get to my destination the main musical instrument I've got to play is also poorly sick. Do you think it knew I was on my way back to it?! I was planning on getting some extra practising in, but that idea's had to go by the wayside.

Me and I have decided to call it a truce for the time being!!

Myself has listened to all their squabbling, fears and trembling, assured them they won't be ignored, that much as what they had to say was hard to hear, it needed to be said now, and accepted as possibilities. They both felt a lot better for having had their say.

Myself is now quite exhausted, but contented again. Me and I haven't had such a squabble for a long time, but Myself does know it's usually better to let it happen than to squash them completely.

Now - to the important matters of the day? Which has just partly been decided by the arrival of the butchers shop van! (I'd rather not glimpse the contents if I can avoid it.) I shall stay home for an hour or so, then go out.

I've hit this end of the day tired and tetchy and tearful. Mostly because I know all too well what happens if I wake up too early, then don't have a nap.

Partly, however, it's because I'm having a massive argument with Me, Myself, and I, and I'm really not quite sure who is winning!

Myself was very clear and content first thing this morning, Me threw several spanners in the works by being horribly logical somewhere after lunch, and I is just having a tantrum, wanting the clarity and contentment of the morning back.

Myself is becoming very much more convinced that there are two possible outcomes of the next fortnight, and that the preferred outcome is possibly not as off beam as Me and I are thinking.

Me is reminding Myself of numerous probable barriers and hurdles and problems.

I just wants it all sorted. Now.

Myself is thinking much is now possible.

Me is scared and just wants to maintain what is, just because.

I will feel a lot better after a good night's sleep and a long soak in the bath!!

Who's bright idea was it that I be awake and ready to get on with life this early?

Moreover, who's bright idea was it that I've done a whole hour's work before sitting here to contemplate life in all it's glory.

There will consequences; I feel it in my bones! An afternoon nap is calling already.

Apart from one small detail.. my every day backpack decided I'd overworked it, and the zip refused to work any more. In the middle of one of the Midlands most depressing railway stations.

Oh, and my left ankle is protesting at something or other. It's been protesting less since I firmly encased it in a new ankle support bandage, intriguing a toddler in the middle of the chemists as I sat down on the floor to attend to this!

But, these minor matters aside, it's been a most productive day, getting much sorted for the next week.

My Scotland Rugby Shirt is getting a ceremonial outing. Yippee!!

I think I’m having one of those days where I’m best not speaking to or writing to anyone. I’ve spent the best part of today with accounts which is enough to addle my brain at the best of times.

Then, what I thought was a clear evening, happening at my time and pace, suddenly wasn’t. Several days worth of niggles got aired in one unfortunate swoop.

So, if I’ve snapped your head off (virtually) or my comments have been strange and peculiar, I do apologise.

It was remembering the stripy socks that did for some of it… (No, Subs, it’s not your fault at all, I’d already meandered down that route before you mentioned them earlier.)

Even feeling quite cheerful again now!! Have abandoned further music practice until tomorrow, but I do think I've improved a lot of the bits that needed to be better so I'm quite content.

Chores are all caught up with. The piles of paperwork are all neatly ordered for the annual onslaught pre-auditor. That's Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday's jobs. I also have a relatively clear and even clean desk.

I'm away for most of the next fortnight, doing stuff I really like doing with people I enjoy working with, so I'm looking forwards to that now.

this wretched song is making me cry?

It's "Close Every Door to me" from Joseph. I'm not even singing it, (just as well, we'd never get to the end of the song) only accompanying it! I've stopped singing along, as it's getting me to every time. In fact, I think when we practised it together the other night, I believe there wasn't a dry eye in the house. I moved swiftly on to the next song for practising, so I didn't look too closely.

I can play and sing for emotional funerals and not bat an eyelid. I can preach on emotional occasions and live to tell the tale. I can be in a roomful of emotional people, and the only one not crying. I'm usually the one dispensing hugs, hankies and providing the shoulder and sympathy! (Or the distraction tactics to prevent someone descending into tears when they need to keep on a even keel for just half an hour longer...) Yet I weep buckets at some songs, some films and some books...

All mopped up now.. back to work.

And thanks to the delightful Rampage and the wonderful Felix blog normality is restored.

If you missed the excitment, it's probably because it was the fastest spotted and solved problem in the history of BCUK.

I owe them both a hug and a beer.

My left hand column.... woe, woe, woe and woe.

I'm having enough trouble with people stomping off into the wide blue yonder without losing a whole column full of friends and interesting information.

Library Website up and working again.

All books renewed.

Frantic trip to library now not required tomorrow!!

I don't mind our local library staff being on strike, really I don't. I am sympathetic.

But I do mind very much that I've spent all morning intermittently, between other important activities, trying to login to renew my 8 books, and being totally unable to access the renewing section of the site. I thought it was staff that were striking, not the website.

I will not be at all pleased if they fine me when I go in tomorrow to renew the books.

Actually, it's also helped to break a bit of a humungous mental block that had arisen. I'm normally in pretty regular contact with this person, but after our last conversation, which left me feeling awful about a lot of things, (but actually, has probably done me more favours in the long term) I wasn't particularly inclined to the chatty e-mails I'd been accustomed to sending from time to time, if she really didn't want to know about the things I was doing that are such anathema to her..

Dunno if it'll do any good or not, but I have done a brief summary of all that's been going on, even if I've not said anything about some of the bigger things I'm thinking about and I've sent it anyway.

I suppose, since it's technically a working day, I'd better go and get do something else other than answer e-mails.

I'm completely out of synch with myself today! And I've just realised I've forgotten an important anniversary... off to amend my sinful ways. I'm not even up properly yet. Woe.

it's back to the normal household!

I've put through three loads of washing, and hoovered right through. I've reassured anxious mothers thousands of miles away that we really did enjoy the company of their off-spring for the week or so they were here.

I have learned much this week, including a lot about places I've only ever heard of before, and how the rest of my household copes when her routine is really well and truly disrupted, (infinitely better than I thought) and that I still really, really can't face other people's cooked breakfasts before I'm properly awake... but the fact my shampoo makes a wonderful skin softening lotion is new to me. At least, when added to a basin of hot water for the soaking of feet to ease the pain of the beginnings of an ingrowing toenail it does.

I only discovered this during an ablutions crisis. Here was I sitting in the bath, thinking of nothing more serious than the washing of my hair, and lo!, there was no shampoo. I'm nothing if not inventive, so in the circumstances, as my hair was already wet, a little shower gel sufficed.

But, in the after evening meal conversation, the virtues of my shampoo for the aforementioned, previously un-thought of activity were well and truly extolled.

My bottle of shampoo has been reclaimed... I've sent him off with one I had in the cupboard. And now, I'm off out to a party. Which won't be quiet.

Our intrepid trio leave us tomorrow for the delights of the larger city, before flying home, having well and truly exhausted themselves for the week they were here.

I'm beginning to slow down a bit to digest several major bits of decision making that have been done in the last week or so in the wider spheres of my life.

Then some of the decision making in my own life is also beginning to take on an interesting shape and form.

But, for now, I'm quite contentedly waiting for my dinner, followed by an evening sitting around doing very little, and enjoying the start of a few quieter days, before the next round of chaoticness is upon me.

Well, it is in one part of my life. A major decision has been made and part of the way forwards determined. It is, I think, the best decision in the circumstances, but I understand why there are going to be many very upset and angry people.

I am absolutely exhausted, and I've only been part of this process for the last few months. But, then I've been dealing with upset and angry people for different reasons all week, in between everything else, and there is a bit of me that wants to bang all their heads together, and remind them that both these decisions have been inevitable for a long,long time.

I am looking forwards to having someone sensible to talk to tomorrow, and a couple of quiet, gentle days over the weekend.

It's a good job I received a most delightful gift from a group I've been working with all year, reminding me of the really important things in life.

I've just wandered downstairs, and was confronted with three plates full of cooked breakfast - including black pudding... It's too much! I'm vegetarian, I don't do mornings and I don't do breakfast until I've been up for a couple of hours, that's an hour and a half away!

I've retired to the safety of my room again.

I did not enjoy the all women session I attended at an event I was at today. I know why I didn't and it bothers me not one iota. I'm pleased about that.

I think this could be a very significant observation.

on Saturdays should be banned. High levels of coherence was required of me at regular points during the day and I wasn't allowed to sit in my usual seat at the back.

I'm assured our youngsters are all alive, well and currently out shopping with at least one other new friend. But, as I was the first up and out today, I've seen no evidence for myself.

I now have it firmly fixed in my mind that "Where there is no vision, the people perish" comes from the Book of Proverbs, not Isaiah or Ezekiel. I appear to have a mental block about the Book of Proverbs.

Now, what did I do with those visions I'm responsible for?

As in when there are young men under the age of 21, but over the age of 18 in the house...

Who have no sense of time...

Or order in a kitchen...

Or organisation...

and who will obviously be eating us out of house and home.

That's right; I smile sweetly, remind them as I go off to my bed hours before they do, that the only real sin is waking me up, and leave them to be bossed around by the other member of the household, who is revelling in a reverting to a former existence.

It's very, very funny to watch! But it all seems to be working fine for now. Anyway, they all are well occupied during the day...

The cliffhanger question is answered. What has been a tense and difficult situation between some friends of mine for some considerable time seems to have resolved itself quite nicely, and unexpectedly. Here's hoping it stays that way.

The tricky logistics for tomorrow are also solved. I still have less time than I would like for a journey to a funeral, but I won't have other people in tow with me, nor do I have any pressure to get back at a certain time.

It's going to be very good having extra people about the house for a few days. Especially ones who are not respecting of routine!! I like this!! It's going to make for very, very interesting dynamics.

Sitting around waiting for news from the General Synod of the Church of England..

In fact, it’s been so weathery, I’ve stayed home all day, and done nothing more strenuous than vacuum the stairs. All 52 steps and various landings and half landings. And the basement. As it all also involves complicated manoeuvres with extension leads and sticking them through the banisters, this is not a task to be undertaken lightly. If truth were to be told, I usually only tackle this one when we’ve about to have visitors… or when I’m in a real strop and need something energetic to do.

Ahem. Moving swiftly on.

I’m still waiting for a complete answer to the cliff hanger question, though I am now partially reassured it’s not as bad as I feared. When this particular friend announces another friend is calling in, and she knows not why, and I then don’t get the de-briefing almost as soon as the meeting is over, I am inclined to fear the worst.

The logistics of Wednesday are still complicated.

Anyone like to take away my inconsiderate hormones?

It's rather pleasant, I do admit! Owing to excessive activity and interesting logistics at the end of the week, it seemed sensible to shift my day off to today.

I am about to launch into some domesticated activity, but I did the bulk of it the other day, so it's only my most hated task of hoovering the stairs to do. I shall count just how many there are, but it's more than in a normal house. But this isn't a normal house.

I was very proud of myself yesterday. There has been slippage of agreements. Namely the "Don't Go Ahead With Your Ideas If I'm Going To Be Involved Without Consulting Me" main one. This was seriously breached. Several Times. I remained calm, refused to do as I was told, and pointed out several things that had not been taken into consideration. I also pointed out I was perfectly capable of organising myself and as I was doing other people the courtesy of not organising them, I expected that same courtesy in return.

It's going to be an interesting week, as we have very different ideas on how to be hospitable. Mine is in the more laid back, keep it simple, lets wait and see category. I'm not going to make a fuss if drinks are put down on a surface without a coaster, or if the cutlery doesn't quite match,

The vacuum cleaner is now looking at me very, very reproachfully. It is feeling neglected. I shall return.

No, I've not yet got an answer to the cliff hanger question. Though, I'm hopeful of one before the end of today!

But I've been dozy and muggy-headed all day, and have just been jolted out of a semi-doze by thunder. I generally do get like that in stormy weather, so that now all makes sense.

I've also been sitting studying tenor lines. In a fit of insanity at a rehearsal, where no tenors turned up, I agreed to learn all the tenor lines, just in case... Bear in mind I also filled in as rehearsal pianist, and was learning all the alto parts, too!

Then, this morning, all I thought I was doing was singing soprano, (all it really means is I thought I was doing nothing more demanding than belting out the tunes, as we have an excess of altos in our small church choir) then I find myself agreeing to play the organ for the anthem, as I can play and sing, and the usual organist can't.

It's maybe a good job I am having tomorrow as my day off for next week. It's unusual, but necessary.

is aching from too much hard work.

I've been very good and doing my homework, but it's involved a lot of thinking, and I don't really like thinking! Well, not about the stuff I've been thinking about. Hows and whys and wherefores and... you get the gist.

The good news is it's made me very tired, and I might well manage a full nights sleep tonight. Like, more than four hours or so.

I've been worrying about someone who I e-mailed and texted yesterday and from whom I've had no reply. This is someone who is on my case pretty quickly if I've not responded to her fast enough (in her view - sometimes I just need thinking time.)

Then I remembered, she's away all weekend, and will be unable to reply.

I won't panic until Monday now, but she did leave me with a huge cliffhanger in one of the current very important sub-plots in both our lives.

Drat.

Oh joy, oh fabulous day!! If I didn't already believe in miracles, I definitely do now.

Two pairs of dark blue, hardly ever worn, jeans in a charity shop I rarely frequent. £2.99 each. You have no idea how almost impossible that is to achieve in the size I am. I always look in charity shops, out of obligation, but never expect to find anything that's not already on the verge of being on it's last legs. Those of us of more ample proportions tend to wear out our clothing to the point it's not usually worth giving to the charity shops. I verily believe I really am now set up clothes wise for the next few years.

Now, all I need is a miracle for the logistical nightmare next Wednesday is turning into, and I'll be well away.

Getting dressed would be good...

Proper Food might not be a bad idea.

Doing something slightly more demanding than sitting here arguing with my nephew on MSN about whether or not there is to be a Friends movie, and the fact Doctor Who isn't real, might be good. All this is excellent aunt/nephew bonding, but won't get the errands done.

I was all prepared for tonight to be really, really, really horrendous.

It wasn't. It was even pleasant.

I still ate the Mars Bars, (which I had prudently purchased beforehand based on previous experience of heading out of these meetings straight to the nearest purveyor of chocolate) when I returned home - to celebrate, rather than commiserate.