My Everchanging Plot of Life

Watering plants time. Still, the good news about that is I can leave doors open all over the place, to try and create a through draught, to try and cool down. Failing that, maybe standing under the watering can and being watered might help.

Of course, I could have taken up the serious offer of a water pistol fight this evening. I fear the five year old would have won. But, I might have cooled down! However, for some reason, I was on my relatively best behaviour. Odd, that.

Nothing like an honest 16 year old to give one food for thought! He pointed out how annoying I could be when I was being too full of energy and bouncing and he wasn't feeling like being around bouncy, cheerful people! Oops. He is right, though! Not that I'm going to stop being that way, but it's right to remember to tone it down when needs must.

I am well aware that I can be a very over enthusiastic, bouncy, OTT person. I'm also well aware that that's only one side of me, that only comes out when

(a) I think it's needed, or
(b) when I've enough energy stored up for it, or
(c) I have got to get me through something I don't want to do.

or any combination of the above.

So, it's actually not been a side of me that's functioned very well for a few months at all, because I've not had the energy, (as it's going into all kinds of other areas of life) and less of the need. It's taken longer to gear myself into that mode, and longer to recover from it. It's why, ultimately, I do not want to teach, and am actually a poor teacher, despite numerous people trying to talk me into it recently. I work well with children and young people, when I'm trying to teach them something I'm enthusiastic about! Not when I'm trying to teach something with a little voice in the back of my mind saying "Why am I required to teach this?"

Yesterday's tact failure was a result of me trying to be cheerful and enthusiastic, when there wasn't a need for it, and I mis-read the situation. Which is also fairly unusual, given I know the individuals in it quite well now. But, I do accept we are all stressed for different reasons, and I do know it's sortable, so I'm not fretting. (Much!)

I'm also aware I'm trying to be cheerful, and positive, as a way of avoiding all the well-meaning enquiries as to "How I'm doing?". I still can't give any definite answers to questions I know people would like to have answers to... and as soon as I can I will! I'm also keeping on an even keel and trying to keep life as "normal" as possible with those I see on a daily basis. Which is probably where most of my energy for day to day living is going for the immediate future, as it's taking a colossal amount of it not to lose my temper, with several people, on a daily basis right now.

It's all a conundrum. My life is full of them at the moment. But, I'd much rather have the 16 year old honesty (as well as those of my best friends who are fantastic) than some of the other stuff I'm getting, messages through other people, rather than to me directly, pious clap-trap about what God wants, (funny how other people always know that one better...)unsolicited advice about how to go about a number of practical things I already know about.

Mostly, though, I'm just listening to all the unwanted and unnecessary advice, nodding, ummming, and then going my own way, anyway.

Now I look at a map properly, my triangular conundrum is still a triangle, but my placing of various places was a wee bit dire. Especially the one place I want to be in easy reach of.. I think I was so impressed that that is still within easy reach of any of the possible ideas are well worth considering, my mental map of Central England went haywire.

Anyway, it isn't in the middle of the triangle, but just on the outer edge of the shortest side. Illogically I'd mentally misplaced where I currently live! I thought it was further north. Now that's seriously wishful thinking.

However, despite my failings in the Geography department, and the tact department (but there's a lot of stress and unknowns around for the three of us involved in the big tact failure yesterday, it should be fine once Monday is over with) I have achieved success in getting my Facebook chat thingummy to work again department. It's never worked since it had a re-jig, but I've discovered I need to put people into a list. Or several as the case may be. So, I spent a happy half hour creating my lists!

Sometime later today, a benevolent teenager is going to teach me about Sim cards.

I have concluded I definitely need either a new purse, or a new back pack, purely on colour grounds. Or even some differently coloured socks.

Yesterday's interesting sidetrack involved me phoning round, asking plaintively if my purse had been found. Once all answers were in the negative, I began looking in all the unlikely places, and, lo, it was to be found deep in my laundry bag, hiding amongst numerous socks of the same colour, after an hours searching.

This is not the first time such an hour or more has been wasted since my backpack and purse and most of my socks have been the same colour. It's not the first time I've blogged on the phenomenon of the purse hiding with something of the same colour (the computer tower was the last hiding place).

I also appear to have misplaced part of an official garb. I think I know where that is, though!

The answer to my MIA Facebook word games players is, I think, Wimbledon!

An ideal part-time job has just been offered to me! It's in a field I've worked in before, with someone who's worked with me before.

Which would work very well with current part time job I'm hoping to keep, as both are flexible.

Unfortunately, it's about eighty miles away, making a lovely triangular shape on the map with the location of the ideal accommodation offer.

The one place I don't want to be too far away from is slap bang in the middle of the triangle...

Interesting times ahead.

Oh, and I definitely need a new purse, that is not the colour of my backpack. Or the colour of most of my socks.

a second part-time job would have materialised in one of my current work places (to go along with first part-time job) and somewhere to live would have been found near by, or at least on a reasonable bus route. I would know what I was doing in seven weeks time, rather than still not having a clue!

At the moment, the first part of that is really not coming together at all, and the second part is proving trickier than might have been supposed!

So, I've applied for some really interesting sounding jobs that I'm definitely qualified for, and have excellent references to back me up. All still in the general area of current work place.

However, as I hinted, there is a New Idea.

The new idea is an offer of virtually rent-free accommodation - for a year or so, a hundred miles away! Which hasn't got a clear date for moving into... but, that's not a problem.

I am really tempted by the last idea, as there is one bit of me that would love to move somewhere different whilst I get used to various things again, and it's somewhere that is still kind of within my mental map for going to, as it fits my strongest criteria (of being close to friends, and urban). It also means I'd be happy finding any kind of work that pays enough for me to pay bills and eat, and maybe do some other interesting things from time to time, like buy books or go to the occasional concert or cinema trip. Or even go off visiting friends!!

I am, however, surprisingly calm about this state of affairs. Probably because I'm avoiding talking to all the people who are not calm on my behalf, so I'm not being wound up by their anxieties. Probably also because whilst it all seems very chaotic, somehow, it does seem as if it's all going to work out somehow. Though, of course, in that ideal world, one of those lovely full time jobs would be in the vicinity of the accommodation that I like the sound of so much!

But, I can't stop myself listening, and growing more and more appalled...

I'm not a music purist, I've played some lovely arrangements of orchestral stuff at the piano, and have some gorgeous clarinet arrangements of piano music or orchestral pieces, and have even written some simple arrangements of well known tunes when I was teaching piano and clarinet. But, some things are just wrong on anything other than their original instrument, and this is one of them.

Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor should be played on the organ, not by an orchestra. I can appreciate it's good, and well done, but It Is Wrong, I tell you.

(And, yes, I am also about to be very perverse here. When Sky did their version in the 1980s, I had a tape of it, played it over and over again and enjoyed it. That is, until I learnt to play it on the organ! I was young, and fickle...)

I'm going to have to get hold of the church keys tomorrow, and go and play it loudly to dislodge this from my head. It seems to have dislodged all the tunes from Les Misérables though!

Am excited.

Very interesting new possible option for the next year... Never thought of there, or that as an idea, but it has appeal.

Need to have a re-think now!

Is a very tiring matter.

The matter most deep and meaningful that has been whirling around my head today has been the matter of the Passing On of Phone Messages. Words have been had and a serious sulk in currently in progress. (Not my sulk, I'm cross, but I'm not sulking.) Mutterings about how many calls I'm getting, and how impossible it is to keep track of who's who in my life have been made. I have blandly said, more than once, it's not a matter of trying to keep up with who's who in my life, I have trouble with that one occasionally, it's a simple matter of taking the message and passing it on. But, it is profoundly irritating to get a "Oh, someone who's name begins with an A, and is from C, phoned two days ago...I forgot..." especially when that particular caller is a regular caller, who's complained to me more than once over the years about phoning, leaving messages and them not getting passed on.

My line is this, if someone phones, leaves a message, write it down and pass it on!! If someone tells you who they are, says that they will phone back some time - but with no other message, I'd like to know they phoned! If they don't tell you who they are, and say they will phone back, I'd still kind of like to know someone phoned, but appreciate that this one might be forgotten about.

This has been a dilemma over many years, not just here, and it has numerous variations. Mostly related to the fact I am somewhat of a chatterbox, and phone calls can be long and involved. But also related to the fact other people take it on themselves to decide what messages to pass on or not. Generally based on their concern that I might return the call... or that because they don't know who it is, it is judged as unimportant.

I've re-stated basic principles... here's hoping they're remembered for a few more weeks.

is not one of my gifts. Especially when I'm not in the mood to settle down and get on with something else whilst I'm waiting.

So, today, I've been waiting for rehearsals to get to a point where I am required, (all of six minutes worth over the hour and a half) trying to look interested, being alert to what is going on etc. etc.! I managed to sneak away before the end of the rehearsal, which was Good, but have to go to another one tomorrow, which is Bad.

Yesterday, I was keeping occupied between end of work, and start of the evening's entertainment of a Shakespearean nature. Going home in between was not an option. I found out some useful things whilst I was waiting, drew up a number of lists, had my supper and read a book. All of which was Good. I scared myself with some numbers, which was Bad.

Yesterday, I also spent Too Much Time waiting for trains, with no access to any information. Late running last trains of the night are Very, Very Bad.

Then, I'm waiting for answers to some of life's bigger questions. That may take a lot longer, but I'd like some clarity on two fronts within the next six weeks...

Still, I posted off several job applications today, it feels like I'm doing something useful whilst I'm waiting.

all things considered.

I have three t-shirts to put in the laundry bag tonight. That could have been much, much worse on this morning's evidence.

I also decided I'd had more than enough of sitting around waiting for things to happen and fall into place, so I've been very pro-active today, and filled in what seems like a million forms. I'd rather have to choose between three things that all sound promising, than be in a worse pickle in six weeks time. And, I reasoned with myself, if nothing else, I need the practice at form filling... So, on Thursday, I shall need to go and get a haircut, and check I have suitably respectable, grown up clothes, just in case!

In between times, I have theatre trips to take my mind off current doom and gloom and idiotic behaviour.... Shakespeare tomorrow, Les Miserables on Saturday!!

Oops... that's two clean T-shirts before breakfast.

Something tells me I'd better not get dressed for work until the very last minute, and I'd better not have any coffee in the three hours I'm there!

Tuesdays are terrible days for changing clothes anyway, (usually three different lots) what's an extra T- shirt or several?

Work all done and dusted by dinner time! Nice. I nobly refrained from being distracted until then, which was just as well, because I've had two e-mails that have not improved my temper. In fact, I was compelled to go for a long, long bus ride, stamp round the retail park, (no, I still haven't got the new jeans yet) get wet, and come home again.

Still seething.

There are two exceptions to this, possibly only one, but right now I am wanting to send all male clergy of my acquaintance back into training to learn how to be pastorally helpful, and not having me want to resurrect an ancient torture device I once devised for a set of men who had seriously annoyed me. They were just bloody-minded about a planning process... and I was bloody-minded about making sure they knew I was not best pleased at having this process scuppered at every turn.

Um, yes, I know far more than my fair share of vicars/priests/ministers/pastors. It's an occupational hazard. Some of them are friends, a good number of them I've known since before they became vicars/priests/ministers/pastors. Most of them are unlikely to remain friends at this rate.

But, with the aforementioned honourable exceptions, the lot of them are a complete disgrace. I write a careful letter to all my friends, explaining why I'm about to do what I'm going to do, and how it's come about. Most of my friends have reacted with a certain amount of surprise, mainly about the timing (some thought I would've done this a few years ago, others were wondering if I might in a few years time), but with mostly with offers of help, support or just "We'll be thinking of you"s. That's lovely, and it's great to know where my friends are.

The male clergy... well, by the time they've all had a go at me for either upsetting them so they couldn't possibly respond to my letter immediately (!!), dictating to me how I should work on the leaving process, (boys, I've moved more times in the last 20 years than most people ever do, I know how to do it, thank you) or asking if I've considered what effect this will have on X, Y or Z or bewailing the effects on A, B or C. In effect, they've all been about as pastorally crass as is possible, and I've ended up feeling it's my fault for upsetting them all, and my problem to fix for them.

Get over it, boys, it's your problem. I'm done with the talking and sorting for now, I need only to know where my friends are, and that they are supporting me, not trying to manage or organise or sort me out.

Or, if you really can't get to grips with the idea, take it up with our Creator, not me. Be warned, He and I are quite content with how things currently stand, and unless it's made clear to me, things are not going to change.

There, I feel better now. I might put the torture devises away now!!

OK, not quite... I will spare you the goriest details, but taking myself out of circulation for a few days was probably kindest all round. If it was a nasty bug, I didn't want to pass it on, if I was being at my hormonal absolute worst, then everyone was better off if I was out of their way, if it was just me reacting to a difficult few days, then I was best off on my own, anyway. If it was a combination of the three, (which I'm inclined to thinking it was!)... yep, staying out of everyone's way was best.

Anyway, all systems seemed to have settled down.

Onwards into a new week! The local school seems to be indulging in Sports Day, judging by the noise coming through the windows, is this a good reason to abandon all pretence at work, and going down to support them? Or, should I be good and stick to the work glaring at me from the desk, and not let it get out of control before the end of the year in a fortnight's time. Mmmmm

No.. work, for today, has to win. Chase me back to it if you see me meandering around trying to avoid it, if you would be so kind!

The best way to spend a day off, if not spending it with friends. So, today, I did that very thing, once I'd had an exciting trip to the out of town supermarket. It's been a long, and emotional week in many ways, and it's extremely tiring dealing with other people's reactions to something, that to them, is totally out of the blue, and unexpected. It's been interesting...

Looks like my prayers for rain are about to be answered. A day late, but still helpful

I think I'm going to be radical and have an early night!

Thankfully, that will be the last time I shall be walking the streets, in procession on a major Feast Day of the church, tootling my clarinet along with the hymns in the vague hopes of keeping the stragglers in time, on key, and... OK, they are vague hopes, but I'm told it helps.

I really, really don't see the point of doing this, but it is a custom of the church I currently go to, for certain days, and whilst I managed to avoid the last one (as I was the organist that day), it's not easy when you're in the choir to avoid these things. (Um... I also play my clarinet to get out of singing things I'd really rather not have to sing on some of these occasions. It's why I became an organist, I think, as well.)

I'm told it's a good act of witness and it reminds those around us that the church is still there. Mmmm... would I be interested in a church that does this kind of thing if this was my first encounter of what they do? No, I think not. I'm happy to find as many creative ways as possible to get those asking about God, and thinking about their faith to do so, I've definitely done some seriously odd things for Jesus in my time. I tried praying for rain, not only so we wouldn't have to process, but so I wouldn't have to water the plants... Not a hope. Oops, better go and do the watering now!

Ah well. Like I said, it's the last time I'll be doing it. I don't think that small fact has registered with most people, though, so I won't remind them!!

Today, I have been causing much confusion. This is not unusual...

I hadn't registered quite how well known I'd become in our local bank! I'm known as the lady who comes in for the oddest amounts of money, (it's not my fault the way the petty cash system is worked the way it is, but it is accurate!)and, apparently, because I don't complain when counter staff, especially new ones, are slow. My banking, both paying and and withdrawing money, can be complicated! I'd rather they double checked it, and it was done correctly than speedily. I'm odd that way.

Today I needed information, and also someone to check I'd filled in a form correctly, and to verify my identity. I'm also known by two different names! The easy bit is my identification proofs are almost all in the name I will be using again from early August. The complicated bit is that I've been using a different name, perfectly legally, for nearly 20 years, which is the one I've used on other bank accounts from this bank for all that time. Apart from a few years meander to a different bank!

By the time I'd explained the complicated story as to why I was being added to this account, why I wanted to use a different name, the poor man had gone away to ring for advice four times, almost every other member of staff had come along to have their say on how this form should be filled in, and which of my proofs of identity they should use, including desperately trying to find me on the electoral roll (because I live in a complicated building, and it can be known as one of two different names... "I am on the electoral roll, I voted last week!" said me, helpfully.) an hour and a half had gone by, and we were all exhausted.

Here's hoping it all goes smoothly now, and this account transfers to me without too much delay!! I need a week to recover before even considering opening the new one I will need. But, ssh, it won't be with this particular bank!

Mmm...interesting.

Being beamed up out of here would be rather nice right now.

As would being able to apparate or disapparate. Or maybe floo powder.

Then, there's the subtle knife, that could cut me through to a parallel universe, but then I have no control over which universe... I'll discard that for now.

Maybe the Wishing Chair of my very first ever real book, bought with my Christmas Book Tokens.

I think it's the option I'm stuck with. Staying put, and seeing this bit through. It'll get easier soon.

I needed a long walk home, and the rest of the day on my own after the mornings work. Still, it was well done, and best done this way, even if it was very wearing emotionally. I got a nice Camembert cheese, and baby leaf salad for lunch.

So, the great choice for tomorrow? Either it is the Coffee Morning, or the Messy Play session. I think the latter wins. I think a good time with wax crayons, felt pens, paints, glue and scissors sounds a very soothing way to spend the morning.

It's shopping trolley to church on Sunday again. I have to take eight of my Bibles, two hymn books, a psalter and the official looking garment.

• Written one main letter, but for a lot of people.
• Added additional paragraphs to 35 copies of aforementioned letter, including handwriting the envelopes, and putting the stamps on the envelope. This is just to remind us that the art of handwriting is still alive and well...ish. Will post on Monday.
• Written 70 e-mails, and attached copy of said main letter. But not sent, yet. Not until after the letters have gone and had a chance of arriving.
• Pondered the interesting conundrum of Facebook! It's where my worlds clash...
• Made 5 different appointments to see various people.
• Spoken to one sensible person.
• Still got a clear, clean and tidy room, despite all the activity.

Time for coffee and cake, I think.

these last few days have been.

My room is remaining pristinely clean and tidy.

One significant area of life is conclusively sorted, and ready to go in a forwardly direction, but the other main area has suddenly shot off into free-fall and confusion. I might have to bail out on that one. It may also be a Sign.

One very penitent Chief Pillock has learnt the hard way that getting dictatorial and heavy-handed with me about something that is not in his remit to control will get him absolutely nowhere. Riot acts have been read, humble pie eaten, and assurances given that I get to do this my way, in my time, not anyone elses. I chose who gets told what when, no-one else. End of Story.

The plants survived my ministrations. Even during a mini-heatwave.

Now, to remember I'm singing in English, and the soprano line tonight, not Latin and alto... that's if I'm not kicked out after what I have to tell them this evening.

for I so don't do heat! I'm just not the right shape for it. Three or four people queried why I was indoors all weekend, shredding paper and sorting things out, when I could have been out of doors enjoying the good weather. Well, I did go out for a few walks, but in the cool of the evening, and after trundling my shopping trolley full of paper and recycling stuff to the local bins.

Haven't done that today, as there is no more to shred. My solitude is well and truly broken into, and action on other fronts now needs to be taken.

That aside, I'm also wilting as I've written a vast number of e-mails ready for sending on Monday. My Draft e-mails folder has never looked so full.

Tomorrow should also clarify a whole heap of other things... then it will be all systems go for complete life change... can I just put my head under the duvet until it's all over? Ah. Can't. It's too hot!!