Nothing like an honest 16 year old to give one food for thought! He pointed out how annoying I could be when I was being too full of energy and bouncing and he wasn't feeling like being around bouncy, cheerful people! Oops. He is right, though! Not that I'm going to stop being that way, but it's right to remember to tone it down when needs must.

I am well aware that I can be a very over enthusiastic, bouncy, OTT person. I'm also well aware that that's only one side of me, that only comes out when

(a) I think it's needed, or
(b) when I've enough energy stored up for it, or
(c) I have got to get me through something I don't want to do.

or any combination of the above.

So, it's actually not been a side of me that's functioned very well for a few months at all, because I've not had the energy, (as it's going into all kinds of other areas of life) and less of the need. It's taken longer to gear myself into that mode, and longer to recover from it. It's why, ultimately, I do not want to teach, and am actually a poor teacher, despite numerous people trying to talk me into it recently. I work well with children and young people, when I'm trying to teach them something I'm enthusiastic about! Not when I'm trying to teach something with a little voice in the back of my mind saying "Why am I required to teach this?"

Yesterday's tact failure was a result of me trying to be cheerful and enthusiastic, when there wasn't a need for it, and I mis-read the situation. Which is also fairly unusual, given I know the individuals in it quite well now. But, I do accept we are all stressed for different reasons, and I do know it's sortable, so I'm not fretting. (Much!)

I'm also aware I'm trying to be cheerful, and positive, as a way of avoiding all the well-meaning enquiries as to "How I'm doing?". I still can't give any definite answers to questions I know people would like to have answers to... and as soon as I can I will! I'm also keeping on an even keel and trying to keep life as "normal" as possible with those I see on a daily basis. Which is probably where most of my energy for day to day living is going for the immediate future, as it's taking a colossal amount of it not to lose my temper, with several people, on a daily basis right now.

It's all a conundrum. My life is full of them at the moment. But, I'd much rather have the 16 year old honesty (as well as those of my best friends who are fantastic) than some of the other stuff I'm getting, messages through other people, rather than to me directly, pious clap-trap about what God wants, (funny how other people always know that one better...)unsolicited advice about how to go about a number of practical things I already know about.

Mostly, though, I'm just listening to all the unwanted and unnecessary advice, nodding, ummming, and then going my own way, anyway.